It is our greatest desire to provide our customers with top quality, well grown plant material at a fair and honest price. We will strive to provide an unmatched selection of old favorites and underused, hard-to-find items, along with the newest varieties on the market. We will eagerly share our horticultural knowledge gained from years of education and experience. Lastly, we offer all this in a spirit of fun and lightheartedness.
Es nuestro mayor deseo el ofrecerle a nuestros clientes una calidad de primera en nuestras plantas a un precio justo y honesto. Nuestra compania hace todo lo possible para proveer a nuestra clientera con una seleccion incomparable de variedades favoritas y no comunes, junto a nuevas variedades en el mercado. Gratamente compartiremos nuestros conocimientos en horticultura obtenidos por una educacion y experiencia con nuestra clientera. Y finalmente ofresemos todo esto en un espiritu de alegria y felicidad.
Good morning, Mr. Phelps. A secret detailed map of NATO's bad joke defense system was recently stolen by Baker’s Acres for the purposes of rendering the system useless. Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to prevent Baker’s Acres from exposing loyal catalog readers to really, really bad jokes. As always, should you or any of your IM Force be caught or killed, the secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. This recording will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck, Jim.
ON A MISSION FROM GOD” STATEMENT
“The women, I want to buy your women…Sell them to me” - Jake Blues in The Blues Brothers
MISSION CREEP STATEMENT
'Mission Creep' is a hip new term. It is the process by which a mission's methods and goals gradually change over time. Many of our customers experience this, having stopped in for just a few plants and eventually leaving with more than a trunkful.
MISSION CONTROL STATEMENT
Ground control to Major Tom. Ground control to Major Tom:
Take your protein pills and put your helmet on
Ground control to Major Tom: Commencing countdown engine's on
Check ignition and may God's love be with you. – David Bowie, ‘Space Oddity’
There is much confusion between fission and fusion. Nuclear fission is when a massive nucleus splits into smaller nuclei with a release of energy and fusion is smaller nuclei combining to form massive nuclei, again with the energy release. Either way, somethin’ gets blowed up and blowed up good.
After several disastrous fish kills due to excessive pond scum, the pond is now clean and fishable once again. Unfortunately, all the lunker bass have gone to that big fish emulsion plant in the sky, but there are still some good (but smaller) fighters in there. Fishermen are welcome. Please watch your kids.
The transmission is one of those black, greasy items you would see if you crawled under your car and looked up. It’s kind of important when you want your car to move forward or backward but has nothing to do with any sideways or vertical motion. Experience of the latter two motions should be cause for concern.
The recent elections have resulted in copius amounts of gaseous emissions but it's nowhere near the output from our big yellow dog. Please, someone help us!
Anyone wishing to quote this catalog has permission to do so. Why anyone would want to do that leaves us extremely baffled.
Our radio ads, our email newsletter, this catalog, and even our greenhouse music are all filled with subliminal messages designed to force you to submit to our will. You will buy plants until your car is full. You will tell all your friends about us. You will think we look like movie stars. Just kidding! We really don’t do that……..or do we?
When Charlie Sheen finally becomes yesterday’s news – and thankfully someday he will – we will not miss him or anything he’s ever appeared in. Except Major League, that was pretty good.
Lately we’ve had to endure a constant parade of contrite and penitent athletes, politicians and movie stars publicly apologizing for just about everything from steroid use to sexual dalliances. How about you guys just stop doing those things, leave us regular folks alone and go hike the Appalachian Trail or something.
Then again, it does make for a lot of good jokes.
The act of certain people redefining ‘Mission Statement’ over and over, ad nauseum.
This intermission may be used at any time during the reading of this web page. Feel free to use the restroom facilities or visit the snack bar for refreshments. When the house lights are dimmed, please return to your seat in a timely manner and resume reading.
Due to space limitations, the Omission Statement has been omitted.